What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
