just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
