He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
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Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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