My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.