Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.