Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.