Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
