got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
