Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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