Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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