u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
