dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
