thus making me awesome and them whores
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
