This girl is more easily done than said...
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
