Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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