i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
