He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
