yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
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She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
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If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Drunk is a universal language darling
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize