Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
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How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
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Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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