I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
