Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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