Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
