dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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