your parents love me but you hate me
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Randomize
