I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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