ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
