The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
