she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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