she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
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its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
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Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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