Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
