thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
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I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize