I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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