Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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