umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
NoShamevember. You game?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
