Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
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