This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
