I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
