3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
