He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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