I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
