HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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