Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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