I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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