Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
