every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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