I wish I could teleport
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
