i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
