I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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