Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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