i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
