Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
