Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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