We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
