I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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