i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
