Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
