before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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